a message for you.
please excuse my dust as this blog site is still under construction.
like a small child letting go of a balloon on a windy day.
(posted on Friday, December 31 by eii wyy nae.)
its been {im not sure exactly how many years has past} already, i can hardly believe it. im liking my holiday more & more & starting to find routines that feel comfortable again. trips into tutong & belait town & my general busy~ness are keeping me occupied, though im still feeling a bit shy about joining any classes.
yesterday was his birthday, a friend of mine, a milestone birthday that i know he wouldve wanted to ignore but i wasnt able to; i thought about it all day. by the evening something had shifted inside me; i still had one photo i kept in a frame so i placed it on the coffee table & lit a beautiful orange candle beside it. all evening i sat in the candlelight, alone. i thought about the good times we'd shared, the really searingly awful times & everything in between.
@ ten to midnight i took his photograph out of the frame & held it in my hands. i'd never said goodbye to him, not in all these years & months, not really, not in any way that was true. but last night i “thanked” him for all he's taught me in my life & bereavement & i said goodbye. & the lightness i felt in my heart was just like a small child letting go of a balloon on a windy day. times like that hurt; love is tough. as i blew the candle out, i set myself free.
the air just filled up w/ all of it. the peace, sadness, gratitude & the power of remembrance. that one life can leave such indelible marks on another’s soul is testament to what we are all really doing here. that a path that joins two can send one down another. its very hard what ive gone through, yet, i know im so strong & im gonna bee okay. better than okay.
~~~
Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.
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