a message for you.
please excuse my dust as this blog site is still under construction.
it is time.
(posted on Thursday, October 15 by eii wyy nae.)
i got up this morning with tears behind my eyes, an overwhelming feeling of loss in my throat. stayed up hours imagining it, talked about it, wrote about it, made plans & prayed for it to come true. everything in me wanted this dream. i remember being so scared when i got the first phone call but i pushed it through. today, i become a silent partner. no contact. no information. no phone calls & no input. i tried to stay ‘connected’ but i had to let go. being back in where i’m now with 'my dream' just around the corner, dashing in & out, remembering all the hard work, the ‘friendship’, the 'connections' ; the dream being reached is hard.
'i thought i could change
while everything else stayed the same.
i thought things & people
would someone magically change with me
but that does not make any sense,
now that i see things more clearly.'
life's been weird. normal? nope i wouldn’t say it is. exciting? hell. scary. unreal. warm. cold. uncertain. i've been somewhere, back to where i was, got intertwined by the past & the present. nope, got intertwined by my needs of the past & the past. got lost between who i was when we left, who i wanted to be & in the process forgot who i’m.
so here i’m. back to in normality. breathing uneasy & edgy. feeling very ungrateful.
~~~
don’t get me wrong. i’m saying these because i want so. i’m not begging.
Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.
Labels: past, present.
contact
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