♥ {confessional, sweet battle && interrupted thoughts} ♥

even courage leaves me.

(posted on Wednesday, October 14 by eii wyy nae.)

i’m watching under the tuscan sun, kept company by two kitties peering in at me through mommy’s front glass doors, scrabbling for bits & pieces of green pecans thrown down from the trees by the naughty squirrels who live in our yard; tilly~~belle is asleep in her basket right here on the other side of that door, in dreamland, oblivious to the scampering just a few inches away.

tonight it feels like fall - i had a long massage & it was dark when i left; mommy & i drove home in silence - no radio, no music, just the peace of relaxed muscles & soul - & wanted nothing but candlelight when i arrived. a shower by candlelight; i lit a few around the house & stood under the hot water, feeling my muscles let go even more, thinking not of where i was, but of the house of my dreams. i still fantasize it is mine.so i stood in the shower surrounded by hot water & candlelight & thought of my dreams & sorrows.

& thought of how i would become if i had that house - thought of who i would invite over & how we would watch the sun set on the lake, how we would watch 4th of July fireworks from the water, because of course i would have a boat & i thought of all the possibilities that house would open up, which is a lot of pressure to lay on a poor little house, but i think it would be up to helping me. i think it is waiting for the chance.

& now the movie is ending & she is wearing that gorgeous orange dress at the wedding & the old man is putting red/orange flowers in the niche in her wall & he finally, finally touches his hat to acknowledge her & i realize this house in tuscany which was the house of her dreams brought her bravery & happiness, so anything is possible.

~~~