a message for you.
please excuse my dust as this blog site is still under construction.
though far below the road, the blue-green of the water peeked through the pine trees, tall next to the roadway & my heart, the heart of a child for whom a trip to water was rare & wonderful & never long enough, that child's heart would almost stop in reverence. thou art everywhere, but i worship thee here. a prayer i whispered deep in my soul even then, though i wouldn't hear the words until nearly 20 years later. waiting, waiting, in the back seat of the car, windows rolled down against the ‘summer’ heat, waiting for that blueness to appear behind the trees, knowing that at any curve of the road it might appear, holding my breath, the suspense almost unbearable & then there it would be. its width appeared vertical & i thought it was the largest piece of water anywhere in the world - how could the ocean possibly be larger? - & that moment of vertigo, when it seemed tall, not deep, was intoxicating. i came to know it was an optical illusion, but it made no difference, it surprised me every year, every year. it is still with me, that first view of a lake over a hill, or through the trees & it is still intoxicating. nothing is better. nothing. to be on the water at any time is to be healed of my worries. in the heat of a ‘summer’ day or evening time, watching the sun go down. the dark of night - stars overhead silence silence silence so blessed sweating against my skin, the doing of nothingness, floating with my head thrown back to the moon.
& that color. still with me. not that child's idea of ocean-blue, not the brown of muddy river water, but that greeny blue, made more green against a bright summer sky, but made more blue against the green of the trees. it is everywhere in my house, in my closet. it is the color of (his) eyes
we have so far not had a sunny weekend. if it is the weekend, it is rainy. i am holding out hope for tomorrow & my hand to catch the rays.
Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.
Labels: bright summer sky, hope., intoxicating, nothingness, optical illusion, reverence, vertigo
