♥ {confessional, sweet battle && interrupted thoughts} ♥

i feel im still processing it all.

(posted on Sunday, January 16 by eii wyy nae.)

the other day i wrote myself out of a funk. it was a hormone~induced feeling of bleakness mixed w/ that awful agitated feeling that something really bad is happening. you know that one. its horrible. after a morning of my head turning inside~out, i sat on the sofa & said out loud, “i’ve got to change this.” i began writing in my diary & started w/ the questions, “what’s wrong, where does this feeling come from, why does all this matter so much.” i let rip on the page writing for a good half an hour before i raised my eyes & looked out the window. i felt some relief in my chest, my shoulders dropped & my breathing slowed. then i phoned my maaa for a check in.

the thing about hormonal crazies is that even though the feelings are magnified & exaggerated, underneath the distress is usually a genuine concern so i used my diary to unravel what was really going on. & then i did something i've been doing a lot recently; i wrote down my affirmations. there's a lot of pessimism in my make~up, so i’ve to fight extra hard to look on any bright sides. i was trying to outrun the black dog & reached a point where the self~talk in my head was so debilitating i knew i had to make a conscious decision to change it. i had to reprogramme my brain.

i’ve always felt unweldy in doing affirmations but deep in my heart, i know i would do better if i believed what i was saying. i’ve never tried them consistently, always being bogged down w/ trying to remember the different words, different sentences. i’ve to work hard to keep positive, but it is so much better living this way than reverting to negativity.

~~~

Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.

Labels: agitated feeling., bleakness mixed, bright sides, conscious decision, debilitating, exaggerated, funk, hormonal crazies, hormone induced, magnified, make up, pessimism, self talk

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