a message for you.
please excuse my dust as this blog site is still under construction.
when it's okay to close one chapter & move on to the next.
(posted on Monday, March 22 by eii wyy nae.)
i struggled/am struggling with this new identity, i felt i was somehow betraying those who were still waiting & wanting & suddenly i didn't know where i fit in anymore. was it possible for me to still identify with those struggling with personality after i had suddenly being hit with one of the most horrifying failure i’ve ever experienced.
it was hard for me to share these new feelings i was struggling with, they seemed conflicting somehow. the feelings of not being certain i was ready for another quick change on this personality i’m having so quickly when just a year prior it was all i wanted in the world & how i struggled to get there & now, i’m struggling how to act in front of my friends.
how was i suppose to make sense of these new emotions. i certainly didn't want to seem ungrateful for this new, scary situation i was in knowing i was still holding hands with so many who were still waiting patiently with tears in their eyes & longing in their hearts.
because of all the new lessons this ‘new life’ has taught me, i now realize that i don't need to fit in anywhere, our personal journeys are unique & come with mixed blessings of their own. i now just recognize that my story has changed drastically & that is okay ... & while i’ll never forget the difficult pathway i walked to finding my way out, i choose to be present in the now & embrace my new path. dilemmas do come to us & to just accept in whatever form that is.
i recognize that it's also okay to honor where my heart is now & perhaps truly recognize when it's time to let go & allow the story to change as gracefully as possible, even when i trip & fall. to know in the stories we’re each writing when it's okay to close one chapter & move on to the next.
~~~
first of all, you dunno me. second of all, you dunno me.
Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.
Labels: betrayal, mixed blessings, scary situation
