♥ {confessional, sweet battle && interrupted thoughts} ♥

getting over that “i'm way too old for this” feeling.

(posted on Tuesday, February 16 by eii wyy nae.)

i thought i could write about love today. but i woke up & found i could not. it's too monumental of a word ... too monumental of a subject. there are so many facets to love. so many types of love. but because it was valentine's day, i'll focus on the romantic side of it.

i'll try my best to express what i've been thinking despite the fact that my thoughts are jumbled. i may not be able to define love specifically, but i can say i know what love is not. it is not beautiful jewelry or fine chocolates from far~away places. it's not conditional ... "i love you if you can... if you will ... if you’re..." it's just "i love you."

it's loving even if you’ve nothing to gain {or lose }. or even if you stand to gain or lose something. & although passion is one aspect of romantic love that sets it apart from friendship or familial love, it is not love itself. no love will survive on that alone. this i know.

a couple of days ago, i tried to think of some words that, to me, describe love {of any type }. four words immediately came to mind. & these could apply to all types of love, not just romantic. the words are ... ~ steady. pursuing. unmistakable. considerate.

love is steady, consistent & unwavering. love is pursuing. always chasing. always. love is unmistakable. you’ll know without question when it is present. love is considerate, would do anything to keep from hurting one or anything to undo that hurt once it's been done. i also tried to think of a way to describe it in the context of an act of love. love is laying your head down next to the one you say you love & in their most difficult hour, asking, "what can i’d for you these days?" & then doing.

that is how i’ve known love as of recently. from a korean drama, the great queen of seon deuk @ seon deuk yeo wang.

i could write more, but why would i when someone who writes far better than i, can say it much more eloquently ... c. s. lewis to be exact. there's been a lot of confusion swirling around in my mind & heart for a long time. life is hard sometimes. there are difficulties that put strains on relationships & marriages & would threaten to break them apart. {as well as on any type of relationship.} but a steady love ... a steadfast love ... hopefully is what keeps them together. same for friends. same for parents & children.

this valentine's day, i got down on my knees & prayed that god would save my. not because it's valentine's day, but because that is where i’m at. i prayed for erna rosaffilah && baybee royy too.

i’ve friends & family who are struggling in their relationships & marriages. i also pray that their love is restored & is better than it ever was. i’ve friends & family who are still waiting for that kind of love to enter their life. i pray for them, too. i also pray for the some i know who have gone through a break~up or divorce.

i'm just saying, i know valentine's day isn't always the easiest day for some people. life really is hard sometimes. whether it is or isn't for me or whoever out there right now, i wish you love ... of any kind. whether you know it or not, i wish you love & more of it.

well, i just thought i would share the things i've been thinking about these past several days ... things that have been on my heart.

~~~

“i don’t want to end up like her”, so they say.

Signed with love,

the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.

Labels: familial love., monumental

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