a message for you.
please excuse my dust as this blog site is still under construction.
show the world what i feel.
(posted on Tuesday, October 27 by eii wyy nae.)
softness & stars to start my tuesday. it is one of those days where i read other blogs & become insecure in all that i’d & i’m not begging for assurances that i’m okay, i know i’m, but these differences that i love are sometimes pinpricks in my soul, i think i’m too wordy, too this, too that, my photos not soft enough, my outlook too serious & i wonder why i just don't go out there right now & take pictures of the leaves laying in the grass, why i’m incapable of making that beautiful, & i think i should make that a project, but that sounds too much like ‘school’, there is a should in that phrase & shoulds always get me into trouble. it is a sunshiny cool tuesday morning out there & there is the vet to be visited, poor tilly~~belle asleep beside me will growl when she realizes, with nibblies to nibble.
i’ll be off for a walk today, to slide my feet through fallen leaves, to stand in tall flowers, to journey inside the landscape, to wander into fall, to let loose my soul, to stop the too-much thinking. i’ll not look for anything, i’ll just see what i see, what is there & open my arms to embrace whatever it may be. i’ll make friends with the leaves gone yellow, the flowers still red, the trees changing seasons, the wind, the gray sky, the messiness of autumn & i’ll play. i’ll be dangerous with my camera, i’ll take those pictures i believe i cannot, i’ll throw away my preconceived ideas of beauty. i’ll wallow in the day with pure abandonment & sneeze when a breeze blows something my way. i’ll walk into the moment.
yet, not every door is meant to be open. not every doorway should be ignored. looking back at the years that have passed, a darkened corridor marked by choices & chances ... some taken, doors flung open while others left closed, the doorknobs rusted. no turning back, no changing what was - ahead the corridor brightens. apenas, barely. choices & chances flickering silently marking time. it's not easy as running through each. too much tunneling & the corridor's lost yet straight through the journey's insignificant, the lights sputtering with regret & here i’m saying no turning back, no changing what was.
~~~
i owe no one a single explanation because i'm dead tired. i'm no longer there to feed your selfish needs, i'm here because of me & me alone. it is time i live for myself & my own. you either hate me or love me with no doubts involve. theend.
Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.Labels: heart of stone, messiness, nibblies, pure abandonment., tall flowers, unfeeling
