♥ {confessional, sweet battle && interrupted thoughts} ♥

climbing steps up then down.

(posted on Tuesday, September 1 by eii wyy nae.)

i’ve rounded a very big corner in my life. for one thing i am learning to deal with heartbreak for the first time in many years. y si, & yep, it is the emptiness not loneliness. also, there are family, uni & friends issues to deal with that took up the majority of my time, & i was kept as busy or busier. however, when these issues were taken care of & laid to rest, when i was ready to just pass through my life instead of living it, i ran into someone that had been forgotten.

me. i’m sure if you look at my blog you’ll see i’ve thought about me (him too) before, & only about a year has passed since i was gone from the blogosphere. but it was a year that i was gone from my life, & that is an eternity. two years & 2 months that i put myself aside ~~ my needs, my wants, my happiness. i ran into a set of stairs, every step a problem, every step leading me away from everything i wanted for myself, & when everything was taken care of the vertigo kept me from climbing back down. i hunkered down on those steps ready to wait it out. perhaps, i would have. there is a good chance that i might not have come back, until i could not resist finding out what happened to one special demon. sounds strange, yes? pero te lo digo, but i tell you it’s true. this demon is not evil, & she was brought into this world & left in limbo. a demon i had started writing about, & left in the midst of chaos. i knew exactly where i left her, & it wasn’t fair. there was nothing for it, but to ignore the judges made to me.

tea in hand, i settled in front of my lappy, & got lost in another world. hours later, my tea cold & untouched, i knew i needed to finish this story. then, when the end of this demon's story was told, i found myself wanting more. i found the need to touch my paintbrushes again, to create, to let my heart sing with pencil lines, & paint. i found i was ready to take on my blog, because i wanted to be heard & not forgotten. i was ready to take those steps back to where i had left friends, my heart & most importantly, my voice.

i began creating art & monetarily speaking i did not do incredibly well. but they were made with my hands from my heart. i began carrying my camera again wherever i went. i saw colors the way i use to, dancing, calling out to me, daring me to capture them. i did. i began feeling the need to dance my fingers across the keyboard, & though blogging again started out a little wobbly with images, & finally some poetry, they are itching to keep going. quiero sigir, i want to keep going.

it will good to be back (only if, only if you’re here.).

Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.

Labels: hunker down, judges., limbo, one special demon, paintbrushes, untouched, vertigo

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