nothing is really sitting comfortably. the ice beneath our feet is covered in dust, that is falling from this - that is settling, neatly, in shapes that resemble smiling faces & sheep. i wonder who’ll stop to take a second glance at what this says. the walls around, surround, are white, as are the defrosting insides of my freezer - like milk, or double cream. whipped. whatever. yet solid, & uh-oh so equal in their properly, perfect positions - as blank as brail. you see i am trying to force this smile out of focus, these muscles only want to frown, to crease like lived-in sheets, pleat, like lovers arms do as they walk along streets, past homes they'll own when they have enough to make ends meet. these hands are tired of holding one another - my knuckles are sore, are purple, like bruised meat, from the strength of your fingers pressing into my palm.

first pill. nausea. a little bit of cramping. it's easy to drink a glass of water & pretend that it's helping. got to keep this down. ain't no' bad weather gonna get the better of me.

it's funny how these two sentences are changed by only one word, but that one word changes everything: - i am better (than) you. i am better (with) you.