a message for you.
please excuse my dust as this blog site is still under construction.
Like no other....myself.
(posted on Thursday, February 5 by eii wyy nae.)
Like no other….myself.
I've been in a state of conflict since my last post. Several times yesterday I wanted to run back to my lappy and delete my last post. I felt it was silly and not worthy of putting out there. But something in me refused to touch the delete button. I think that post was necessary and couldn't have come out of me at a better time.
You may have heard of a place in the world where they make beautiful hand woven rugs and they purposefully create a flaw in each rug to express their humility - a way to symbolize the imperfection in all of us. I see my last post as my own little flaw, glitch; a break from the incessant worry that what I write isn't lyrical enough, poetic enough, metaphoric enough, not perfect enough.
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I've put so much pressure upon myself to try to write well. Whether or not I have succeeded is subjective. But this strive to be "enough" is tiresome.
In my everyday life I consider myself to be a very real and honest person, very much an open book, and it's not that I feel I am being dishonest in this new space, because I feel as though I am being very genuine. It's just that I am afraid to go wrong, say the wrong thing, become boring, scatterbrained, weird, too silly, too much this, too much that - whatever. Maybe all of this stems from the fact that I am writing to an unknown. I am writing to people who don't know the real me; I am also writing to a part of myself who hasn't quite figured out who the real me is.
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It was very important to me from the beginning to make sure my truest self was being presented here. And that truest self encompasses a whole lot of different sides and angles to my personality. I can be silly at times. I can also be moody, sad, introspective, peaceful, angry, shy, friendly and bubbly, insecure, oversensitive, philosophical, compassionate, and a multitude of other things - just like everyone else.
I've never been much of a writer, and I don't know if I will ever be as passionate about words as I am about pictures. But I do wish to be able to express myself, my many selves. And now that I have created my own *flaw in the rug* I can hopefully continue to be beautifully imperfect, original, quirky, like no other.....myself.
the diary keeper,
‘my charliegirl.
Labels: lyrical, novel., persona, truest self
