a message for you.
please excuse my dust as this blog site is still under construction.
anything, but joy.
(posted on Friday, February 11 by eii wyy nae.)
guess what im doing right now. nothing. yep, im doing absolutely nothing. just sitting down & not hurrying to get this post done, so that i can get back to work. im sitting in a peaceful, clutter~free living room. my to~do list is complete, the birthday party is behind me, the kitchen is clean & im just going to sit here & do nothing. nothing has never felt so good.
ive a lot of experience w/ doing nothing. most of my days {i can hardly remember exactly when} have been filled w/ doing nothing. it felt different then. doing nothing used to leave me feeling guilty & sad @ the end of the day. i hated doing nothing, but i knew no other way. i was not able to accomplish what i needed to do cause i was paralyzed. all of the clutter & mess that surrounded me, kept me stuck. i was really good @ avoiding responsibility. i hid behind the new found joy that i had begun to experience. i told myself that it was ok to do whatever i wanted to do. i told myself that my spirit had been held captive for so long that it was crucial that i only do what my spirit longed to do. unfortunately what my spirit longed for & what i was actually doing were not the same thing. so the clutter stayed where it was & my new found “joy” slowly started to feel like anything, but joy.
~~~
Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.
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