♥ {confessional, sweet battle && interrupted thoughts} ♥

am i okay with that.

(posted on Tuesday, February 8 by eii wyy nae.)

well, i wasnt very inspired {no offense to the prompter}. but really, my writing comes from who im & who im comes from how i experience life, so really, my experience of everything i’d must contribute to my writing, even if its difficult to draw the direct cause~&~effect. i could say, not being independently wealthy, that all the things i’d to earn money & basic maintenance for my lifestyle dont contribute to my writing, since they take up my time but the possibility for elimination seems highly limited. okay, im done thinking about it.

but it bugged me. there must bee a way for me to get somewhere out of this line of thought, since im here. my dead~ends could be some kind of defense against something deeper. i suppose maybee one thing i’d is wish things were different. like, i wish i had more time, especially consecutive time, so i put off writing hard scenes & big research bits.

i wish i had more money, less stress, an easier time w/ family, a fitter body, etc. & that wishing, while it may contribute to my writing {& in fact, does} doesnt contribute much to my state~of~mind. wish can bee motivating & wish can rob me of presence when it becomes disappointment that what is real, now, is not what i wish for "when my life is better." because i know, more & more & more, just how incredible my life is even in this moment when my adrenaline is high & my patience is incredibly thin @ the end of a long day where not enough got done & my surroundings are pushing it. who am i to feel anything but lucky, no matter what the travails of my day. only a fool.

alright, thats about the best im going to do w/ this prompt. now, to tend to the grouchy maaa who should bee sleeping.

~~~

Signed with love,

the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.

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