a message for you.
please excuse my dust as this blog site is still under construction.
it still wasnt real to me.
(posted on Saturday, October 16 by eii wyy nae.)
it was dusk & water were bathed in soft pink light. i felt as though i was the only person on the earth. everything was completely silent. i felt each moment acutely; i noticed every ripple, every change in the wind & the light. there was this softness to everything like being in a dream & i felt almost as if you were somehow there w/ me, your hand on my shoulder saying, "dont cry, its okay baby."
i remember feeling absolutely terrified of going into the house & to uni. i had no idea what to do or say & i was so afraid of seeing you survive in this world w/out me. i held it together until i walked into my room & then the tears came pouring out like a flood bursting through a dike. i sat there, imagined i was beside you ... not knowing what to do. i kept expecting you to say something, or to move & then it would all just bee a dream.
when we were downtown getting clothes for the an anniversary party, i slipped & said that, {insertname} & i could do something together. everyone fell silent. it still wasnt real to me.
this is not what i wanted to remember. i wanted to remember the living you. the happy, shining, knightly, protective you. the basketball playing, providing, loving other half. the man w/ broad shoulders & a quirky smile you. i wanted to remember the you that looked @ me w/ that smirk that said, you make me crazy but i love you. thats how i remember you. until today ...
~~~
Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.
Labels: anniversary party, basketball playing, broad shoulders, downtown, knightly, other half., quirky smile, smirk
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