♥ {confessional, sweet battle && interrupted thoughts} ♥

everything i was feeling.

(posted on Saturday, May 8 by eii wyy nae.)

waking with a heart full of not~fitting~in, almost lonely but not time enough alone, too many words this weekend, too inside myself, too thinking, thinking, thinking, but the words came fast & furious & you don't ignore the muse, so i let them come, who was i to stop them.

& last night in a room full of people i was alone, settling into that lone~ness, not quite the same thing as alone~ness, but not fitting in, not full of chatter, my words already spent for the day, just settling into the end of the day, into the listening & later coming home, alone again in a car on a road full of cars, that separateness a blessing, the darkness a disguise for not fitting in, passing the sign pictured above, a neighborhood business, i've seen this sign a million times, but last night it spoke to me like a painting, said everything i was feeling.

this morning i sat with that feeling & sat with the morning to see what today would tell me & it began to rain, surely a sign to let it be, this lonely in a crowd thing & so i’ve. i’ve allowed it to stay, to run its course like a fever & that rain poured down all day, bringing a cold wind with it, the rain gone by early this evening, but the cold still here.

& as i sit here on the couch, daddy with his radio, its whistle perfect music for this night, for this feeling & for the me who is different, for the me who doesn't fit in & never has, for the me who finally understands that it's okay, that it's more than okay, that the fitting in would take away the words.

~~~