♥ {confessional, sweet battle && interrupted thoughts} ♥

because there are no other words.

(posted on Friday, May 28 by eii wyy nae.)

oh, you thought all the adeq stuff was over, i know, but i’m unravelling again & in the course of thinking about the first assignment, i began to wonder how to photograph emptiness, which is not the assignment but that's what happens when you begin to unravel & you’ve a lot of knots to untie & a lot of loose ends, you just never know which one you're gonna follow right now & so anyway i was thinking about emptiness.

still. i know, i know, i just thought if i could put it in pictures as well as words it would help because it still feels wrong when i come home & it's just me, the house just isn't the same, but here i’m & i don't even feel like the same person anymore & something must be done, mustn't it.

& so i began to look through old images, so many of adeq, bungsu, mulai, so many, but at the same time i was looking for images for other stuff & came upon the above very underexposed picture, just a blob of black & shades of barely gray & my feet on the lappy screen, but that reflection in the upper left hand corner stopped me. it looked like a bird's eyes; if you squint your own eyes really, really hard & imagine the whole thing darker & ignore the 3rd little reflection, you can kind of see what i saw. & so, i lightened it. a lot. a lot. & there was adeq's tail & he was walking away.

you can't convince me that was coincidence. i know better. i know how the universe works, i know signs & messages are out there all over the place & we are just usually too busy or too suspicious or too something to pay attention.

i've learned to listen, i've learned to be naive & childlike when it comes to this kind of magic because that is the only way it’ll find you. & if this isn't a picture of goodbye, of emptiness, of left~all~alone~ness, well then, i don't know what is. & the funny part is, the weird thing is, that it didn't make me sad. it made me smile. never mind that my feet are standing there all vulnerable & naked & pointed in a totally different direction from adeq's feet.