♥ {confessional, sweet battle && interrupted thoughts} ♥

some cheer for me.

(posted on Sunday, January 10 by eii wyy nae.)

i couldn't sleep last night. thoughts { ie : picking what/which second semester’s modules & reconsidering to take mib in semester two or not but it seems like i’m not going to, since it clashes with my AD~module} seemed to crowd in around midnight & i found it impossible to quiet down the noise. i realized that i’m profoundly off kilter right now. i went over some of the key factors & thought out some practical resolutions. today, i feel better & so much more peaceful. i even got up, drank my hot tea, meditated & did some yoga. i know. do you know how long it has been since i've practiced my sacred rituals. much too long. i'm slowly getting back to center. it's probably more accurate to say that i never left, instead i just fed into the distractions.

i think things began unraveling back at the beginning of this ‘summer’. almost immediately, it became clear that ‘she’ & baybee dylan weren't vibing well at all. the situation went on to become an intense area of anxiety for everyone involved.

& it lasted from the end of may until the third week of august, so time was not on our side. our routine seemed to all but disappear. we started staying up late & sleeping in. we were on the run pretty often, taking in the scenery, job hunting & hanging out with friends. & you know how long that situation took to resolve. so much stress involved in that. it's really been the last week that i seemed to remember how to just slow down & breathe again.

i started thinking about how blessed out i was early this january. i remembered all the walks that we were taking before it got too hot. now that the weather is cooling off {a bit}, i've been walking again the past few nights & it has been such a release. back then, i was also journaling & doing some major psyche evaluation. i had begun the process of acquiring some perspective on all that has happened to us in the past few years. i was working through some of the confusion, the anger & the hurt.

i was getting back to the happy places. i was trying to focus on the good times. i was really enjoying writing here. the past month, as i read back, has become more filler than genuine sharing. there has been a whirlwind of events swirling around us, but it is more than that. i see this growing list of people that i love to exchange energy with & i feel overwhelmed at not getting to visit them as often as i could before.

i’ve found so many soul~sisters in this space & when i think of all the reading i want to do to check in on them, i feel like it will take too much time away from my fam~fam. doesn't that sound a mess. i see twenty names i want to click on & because i feel guilty at just choosing a few, i don't click on any. i really need some kind of a system. but i can’t resist clicking on baybay erna’s blog. hee.

soon, i want to share some things in this space. my thoughts on things that bring me serenity like yoga. my lifestyle as an earth seester & unschooler. & maybe even how a morning spent in total alignment can bring you abundant joy. forget labels, fancy cars & whatever the joneses are up to, just give me some hot tea, good friends that dance alongside me in the great cosmic void & pandora streaming softly in the background.

~~~

oh sometimes i feel like i'm the only that's going through it all.

Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.

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