♥ {confessional, sweet battle && interrupted thoughts} ♥

leave the mess there until it drives me nuts.

(posted on Wednesday, January 27 by eii wyy nae.)

a friend of mine just called to chat.

a : whatcha doing today.
e : well, i'm in the midst of a big mess, i'm rearranging the life i’m stuck in.
a : weren't you doing that last week when we talked.
e : ahem, well, yep, but i've changed it all again & it's really great, much better now.
a : all part of the process ... {hoping she gets it}

yep, so that's what i've been up to. cleaning, throwing away, rearranging again & again & again ... life ... trying to get the happiness~mode in order. it's all part of my process of creating, or preparing to create new me but i always seem to have the urge to do a major re~do at times like this, right when i'm in the middle of a really busy stretch.

i’ll suddenly find myself working in a six by six inch space on my ten foot long study table & know that i’ve no choice but to put stuff away before i go any further. i used to think it was a ‘bad’ thing but know i realize that it is just how i roll. i realize that i kind of do the same thing when i cook, do one big clean up at the end & not putting stuff away as i go.

i can stand some level of mess while in the midst of the process but once the piece is done, i've gotta clean & put stuff away before i can focus on the next one. i used to feel horribly frustrated & guilty, wondering why i wasn't just buckling down {or whatever was ‘supposed’ to be happening}, what was wrong with me. but today, after seeing this pattern emerge again & again over the months, i've made peace with the fact that all this nuttiness is a necessary part of my ‘moving~on’ process.

so there. that's what i've been up to. a confession. a realization. what are your crazy process quirks. care to share.

~~~

i just can’t stop talking about you. i miss you this damn much already ~ saiful rohayzuan, eii wyy nae’s bff.

Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.

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