♥ {confessional, sweet battle && interrupted thoughts} ♥

saved for some man or moment in the future.

(posted on Tuesday, December 8 by eii wyy nae.)

hello little lonely blog. hello any lovely readers that are still stopping by to say hi or just happen to read my posts. hello. i’ve missed you.

some of you may have noticed that things are a bit, ah, different around here. yep, there have been some big changes going on in me *too* & i’ve not been sure where to put what & how to even begin to explain this shift. it is a tricky thing in the blogworld if you started out simply writing & then grew a *censored* from there. because they ‘like’ you, it is personal. & blogs are personal, how could they not be.

i‘ve undershared & overshared & it’s all me & true to what i was feeling in the moment i wrote it. sometimes i don’t really know what exactly to share. i don’t want to mix personal with professional, it is a blurry line because i attract ‘stalkers’ from being personal. & now that i’ve a number of them in facebook & twitter, i feel like i need to stop being so damn personal. but i feel like our stories, especially the deep life changing ones, have power. & power is inspiring.

here is what these past months have consisted of : a break-up, an up-rooting, a time of receiving in ways i had forgotten about. a bouncing around like a gyspy in cowgirl boots & etc. it has also consisted of many a kind offerings : warm beds, clean sheets {even sponge bob, oh yes}, wine flowing, tears flowing, homemade lasagna, very loud laughter & a comfort and love i cannot even begin to describe.

i tell you this not for sympathy but for empowerment. because i truly feel like a warrior for the first time inmy life. god. ramblings. i tell you this because i’ve discovered that my strength lies in pretending everything is okay when it isn’t & in my vulnerability. in vulnerability lies truth & when we share our truth that power doubles, then we attract others who are telling their truths & that power triples. & so on. it can be something that is expressed each day, with hand-painted love stones for friends, with a wink to my favorite sandwich dude at the market or with the children who continue to amaze & astonish me.

i tell you this because even though love has not worked out in the way i had hoped, i’m learning it does not need to be pushed down. saved for some man or moment in the future.

this person, this being i kept waiting to say the right thing or put back together the broken pieces ... this person has always been me. i’ve simply been waiting for myself. as i’ve written before, happiness is not passive. & doing the right thing is not supposed to be fun or sexy. it is work. i believe with all my heart that there is magic in the work, too. that doing the work unleashes the magic. magic seems to be coming out of the ‘woodwork’ for me these days.

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