a message for you.
please excuse my dust as this blog site is still under construction.
i felt enough.
(posted on Wednesday, December 16 by eii wyy nae.)
last night i pulled these star lights out of their box & found that they were all twisted & knotted & intertwined. it is a very long string {wrapping around most of our living room} & it took a very, very long time to get them unraveled. i started to feel impatient & frustrated & then an image of grandpaa during each christmas growing up came into my mind.
he would unravel countless strings of lights for us {outdoor, indoor} all by himself with such precision & patience. when we were really young, he didn't want us to help for fear we would get shocked. he never got angry or frustrated while spending what felt like hours untangling the bulbs. perhaps it was a meditation to him. i took a deep breath & channeled grandpaa last night. i viewed it as a practice in patience, which i know once cedar stands on his two feet, i’ll need in abundance. thankyou grandpa, for teaching me how to be more present & patient, even when you had no idea i was noticing.
i feel like i’m learning how to stand again on my own two feet with no one there to catch me if i fall. carefully i take each step, trying to be aware of what surrounds me. listening closely to each sound. standing is not always an easy thing to do. sometimes it is easier to sit & let it all pass by. but my soul yearns to stand, to stand tall proud & brave - i want to be seen, heard & understood.
as i stand & look around, i notice i’m not alone. angels surround me & cheer me on. keep on putting my thoughts out there & standing tall with the angels, they will hold me up guide me in the right direction. hopefully.
two nights ago,
jayy @ ji jae : “i’m one of your angels - always watching, always there to catch you baby if you slip a little & always there to cheer you on. always, baby.”
eii wyy nae @ jae ji : “thanks ji jae. i’m standing now - taller than i ever stood before. i’m cheering myself on. i think.”
~~~
i asked you & myself repeatedly, in return why would you want a toy that you were going to play with only once or twice.
Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae. Labels: cedar., meditation, precision, star lights
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