♥ {confessional, sweet battle && interrupted thoughts} ♥

because i don't think i can help it.

(posted on Friday, November 27 by eii wyy nae.)

would you ever look into these sweet little fairy face & say “no, you cannot do that you’re too old fat tired. you don’t have the talent, you should keep it small.” stay realistic. stop dreaming. stop wishing. keep doing what i’m doing even though it does not make me happy. shut up & be thankful. don’t make a stir. do what is expected. & don’t worry because i’ll be worthy when i lose 10 pounds, get that job, kiss that boy, have that baby, write that book, go on that retreat, win that lottery ticket - of course i would not.

who wants to fuck with this kind of purity, so close to the source. beautifully flawed & innocent. please remember i’m this little girl too. we all still have this spirit in us wanting to be inspired, loved & understood. these beams of iridescent light, mini sparklers of girls – they’re you, they’re me & they’re us. let’s pinky promise right now. to be ever so kind & gentle when this girl needs protecting & nurturing.

promise?

this little sidewalk running left from our homie can take me anywhere. i look at it & am often reminded of bilbo from the hobbit who left his home without so much as a handkerchief to embark on a grand adventure. no dragons to slay in my near future, though i’ll never say never; however, the most rewarding aspect of this little walk is that just as it leads me out, tambien me trae a casa, so it leads me home. this weekend alone, if you’d had the chance to come down this walk you’d have found a little doggie that shakes himself with such joy he often collapses before he shoots back up & starts all over again; you’d have smelled bacon frying, dinner rolls rising, apple-muffins baking, not to mention fabric softener for weekend laundry. i would have heard a book read aloud & laughter as ted went from seventeen to seven recounting goofy jokes.

this little walk has led me far from where i started in this life, i feel my heart open wide whenever i’m on it. the trees on both sides are slender but caring, rounding over to see how i’m doing & making sure i make it safely to whichever end. i know i get sentimental over so many things, but if i can’t appreciate it all then what’s the point, yes. on all the roads traveled, hasta los pequeños, even the little ones & especially the ones that lead back home, there are memories dotting the sides like flowers waiting to be sniffed & remembered. every petal can be plucked & will elicit a smile, or perhaps a tear, for there isn't a road that has never seen rain.

i’ve no ideas how many roads are out there for me, perhaps this little walk will lead me home always. either way it has a special place in my heart & i'll admit every once in a while i'll skip down this road & do a little happy dance. coco wonders if i'll always be such a goofball, thankfully he says this smiling & always adds, "i hope so!" because i don't think i can help it.

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