a message for you.
please excuse my dust as this blog site is still under construction.
happiness is such a choice.
(posted on Wednesday, November 11 by eii wyy nae.)
the wind has really picked up over the week & i’ve been watching leaves take to the skies likes ducks flying south, hurrying over the treetops without time to catch their breath. true, the crowds weren’t like before in uni. however, i couldn’t see that same laughter in ‘the-old-me’ eyes, the glee when ‘she’ ran into someone ‘she’ knew & they’d run holding hands to the next shop for handfuls of treats.
i’d forget to take pictures after the first go round of poses; too lost in that moment, getting swept away in her ‘happy times’ i knew would be gone all too soon keeping me from stepping back behind the lens.
ahorita. can i confess that i’ve not been very present lately. or grounded. it’s been months actually. in the midst of change, it is so easy to get caught up in either grieving or/and questioning the past or romanticizing about the future. or is that just me. the truth of the matter is: change is uncomfortable. if it was easy, we would do it more often, no? the other truth of the matter is, for me, that life is really not all that bad right now either. it’s just different. & different can feel threatening too. but it is also exciting. & scary. scary & exciting.
on the way to uni today, i was thinking of all the things i’ve had that i didn’t enjoy, that didn’t feel my soul up with goodness. no passion ... just going through the motions for so many months. vulnerability. that is the place that i’m living currently. so very vulnerable & exposed, yet strong & empowered at the same time. the strength feeds off the vulnerability. the vulnerability gets inspired by the strength. this is a strange world to be living in & to anyone else who finds themselves there know you’re not alone.
i believe this is a space of magic, because whenever my life starts to get kinda messy - that means it is about to get really good. i guess. my old reiki teacher told me the other day that to find complete love, you must feel all of your pain first. oh how these words have never been more true. or beautiful. this is the time to make it happen, to dig up all those old dreams & put them into action.
~~~
i tried to pick the pieces up & i can't think of starting over.
Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.
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