a message for you.
please excuse my dust as this blog site is still under construction.
they help me swallow life a bit.
(posted on Sunday, October 18 by eii wyy nae.)
there is a lot that happens with the passing of time. as each cycle of leaves falling & snow melting & seeds sprouting washes over me, i’m changed. little sparkles by my eyes speak of much sorrow ‘enjoyed’ around kitchen table. my sun-marked skin tells stories of long summers spent playing barefoot until dark. & the strength of my fingers testifies to hours of practicing harp. "practice makes perfect," mommy would tell me.
there are sorrows etched into me as well. they’re often harder to see, but they’re there. they whisper in slicks of water that appear in my eyes more easily than they used to, as i encounter the heartache of others, but more to mine - because now i know what it is to love & lose. they’re in my silence, because i’ve learned that sometimes the only authentic response to grief is to sit with it, look at it & acknowledge its presence. they’re in the way i look at sunsets, the way i savor them but weep just a little, knowing that i cannot hold on to time, saying goodbye to the past.
& one thing i’ve learned from these sorrows & joys is that they’re constant. life - if lived - is full of both of them on a daily basis. how do waves fit in to all of this. trust me. i'll get there soon? ... i’m struck by how chalk-full life is of comings & goings. little griefs. very little joys. we say hello & goodbye all the time; they mark our hours & make us human. some do/did turn ‘them’ into heartless ‘creatures’, so to speak – it is clear.
so what's the point of all these seemingly disconnected stories. ugggh. i just felt tired of the monotony of it all.
~~~
there is no desire to want to love again. because now there is only the fear of ruining what i’ve tried so hard to build up.
Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.
Labels: chalk full life, harp, heartache., little sparkles, long summer, monotony, sun marked skin
