a message for you.
please excuse my dust as this blog site is still under construction.
where are you hope.
(posted on Wednesday, August 19 by eii wyy nae.)
i have been feeling lost here on this blog lately, a different person than the girl who was here last year. & i guess the truth is that i am a different person - things have happened this year to change me; i have felt that my poetry left with jammie, that my life is too exhausting, & so i have done nothing. perhaps nothing is too strong a word - i have thought lots of thoughts. i have been taking myself too seriously & yet not seriously enough. i have not picked up a paintbrush since may, since the love story ended. enough is enough. so more changes are coming, good ones, or perhaps really i am just simplifying my life, returning here to my home, to uni, to blog – i have felt for so long that i have been just going through the motions, looking so hard for magic, when i know you can't find it that way, when i know magic is like a kitty cat, & as you call & call, will just hide in the bushes, watching you, smirking at your frustration. where to begin? ~~ with the little things. i wish i am able to move everything back here & thought to figure it out as i go. onegoldenglowglammedgirl may expand a bit, the site may change neighborhoods, but there will only be one site.
as for you, you wonderful people who have hung in here with me, i cannot express in mere words how appreciated you are, how much it means to me to know you come back here daily, even though i know you have surely sensed my floundering, my tiredness, my depression. i am breathing more deeply now, i will gather my second wind if only youre there love. i am once again could reach out my hand, catching the magic if only, if only youre there love.
to him ~~ i have talk to friends, i have talked to myself, i have talked to god. i prayed like (hell) but i still miss you. but i still love you.
signed with love, eii wyy nae.
Labels: floundering, hope., kitty cat, love story, second wind, ugly truth
