♥ {confessional, sweet battle && interrupted thoughts} ♥

old crockery to smash.

(posted on Friday, August 7 by eii wyy nae.)

making mood boards is keeping me sane at the moment, life is still hard to stomach. days back after two weeks ‘training’ & the pressure combined with pushy (oblivious to human feeling.) thoughts brought me to tears. i didn't want to cry, what a baby. how easily i revert to childish behavior in difficult situations. can't think what's wrong with me, i get so easily overwhelmed these days. even the frustration of rage makes me cry. must find some old crockery to smash. the evil thought that it will be even worse for me to have to come back to this ‘world’ after the utter joy of spending in shopping malls probably isn't helping.

how long can i really continue with this horror? i feel an awkward conversation on the horizon. i get through my hours but in my heart i knew the day i started that this was not the place for me. maybe even at the fresher's week , was that the faint ringing of an alarm bell i heard in the back of my head? When they rang to offer me the help did my instinct say no even though the word YES slipped out of my mouth? i was so anxious to leave behind my old ‘world’ that i just jumped from the frying pan straight into the fire & have now been enveloped in the flames. at least i have the full support of my girls & bestie to jump ship!

hopefully the next jump will be into a placid ocean not a furnace of hideousness. moaning aside i can see quite a comical side to it all so no need to put me on suicide watch just yet. i shouldn't complain i am (happy) in all other aspects of my life. lucky to have fabulous family & friends (you know who you’re.)

Signed with love,

charlie wyy.

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