♥ {confessional, sweet battle && interrupted thoughts} ♥

i have a secret .

(posted on Saturday, August 29 by eii wyy nae.)

yep, i do have a secret. un secreto a gritos, a secret that roars at the top of its lungs. my life is coming to an end. i thought i had another three to four years, but it’s happening now, ebbing away in the brightness of day; in the midst of lunch & dinner; in the calmness of night. everything that made me happy, everything that saved me will soon walk out the door. turning 20, where i will not always be able to hold his hand. he’ll always be in my heart, but oncoming adulthood is demanding of me what feels impossible - to let go. to step back when some decisions need to be made, when mistakes take their toll. but to not swoop in & save her every time, and thereby preventing lessons from being learned.

little by little i need to release my grip (though never my embrace) for him to survive when he is on his own. a haunting question is how do i take care of myself when he is gone? how do i become independent again?

i keep these fears & pain secret; after all, will they come wrapped in the brightest of joys? i will continue to watch through tears, laughter, loneliness, friendship, & fierce love.

i will be frightened to find myself on my own because everything’ll be far more beautiful if you’re here.

Signed with love,
the diarykeeper, eii wyy nae.

Labels: brightest of joys, haunting question, oncoming adulthood., pain secret

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