a message for you.
please excuse my dust as this blog site is still under construction.
to carry no thoughts.
(posted on Sunday, July 12 by eii wyy nae.)
if only i could.
how easy i imagine it would all be then.
it is 11:44 on a July 12th evening & i am having a conversation with myself. i have been to the lake & back, leaving before the boats headed to the middle of the lake for 360 degrees of fireworks, leaving the music behind, wanting to be home, wanting to check on tilly~belle - just wanting to be home. grateful for the plate of cherries & blackberries & strawberries, but just wanting to be home. it just be's that way sometimes.
i stopped & bought morning glory sparklers on my way back & the lovely, lovely ameera & i drew circles in the 'hot texas' night before she headed upstairs & i headed in. a quiet 13th this year, not unwanted, a 13th that seemed to need some peace, some silence. & so i sit here propped against a mountain of white pillows, the sound of the air conditioner keeping me company, & i feel a bit of contentment begin to settle in. just a bit, but a bit is much welcomed.
i would like to carry no thoughts. or perhaps just fewer thoughts, none seeming impossible. they are weighing me down, all these thoughts, making it impossible to float on water or fly into the sky. somehow 'he' manages to. i see myself in that sky, floating on my back in the air, & attached to my arms & legs & fingers & toes are hundreds of tiny thoughts, anchors caught in the treetops & on telephone wires. i need to start snipping some lines, jettisoning old cargo, letting some things go. i don't mean tilly~belle, i don't mean important things, i mean things & even relationships that have outlived their usefulness; people with whom i no longer have anything in common, who no longer feel right in my life.
life is too short, mommy once told me, & if the movie is bad, you should get up & leave. a new bit of unfurling that i thought would feel sad, but surprisingly it does . it doesn't feel freeing.
Signed with love,
charlie wyy.
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