20072009 (today's date), there was this click upon my head as if it's reminding me of my happily never after tale which marked year 2007-2009. & there goes MJ's memorial thingy swaying on my mind.

i know, i know i shouldn't be writing & posting but i don't know why i feel like i have to. to blurt it out, not so people get to know my feelings etc however it's more of like letting go of the pain from my chest, from suffocating me even further, tonight.

unfortunately, on my way home mommy dropped me at giant & nagged the hell out of me on buying chicken. yep, chick chick chick. you should have seen me walking, i was so fast as if i was so catchy in time. one teacher, i mean a teacher, a history teacher, ain't my teacher, it was 'his history teacher' calling my name. my sight wasn't that good & i nearly missed her. we chit-chat for awhile, on something i really have to move on from. it makes me think twice. i don't know how to react really. i know he has move on & that's how his game goes so far, & i have to force myself to play on the same exact way like he does. but at the same time, im faking, becoming pretendious. i have to be true to myself, my feelings & my soul. but what can i do more if it is only me, only me who is feeling in such a way.

she asked an awful lots of questions on the 'b-up'. sorry folks, i can't even stand saying that word. awful. & awfool. she thought i was the one who screwed up. she assumed i was having an affair with other man. though she didn't exactly pointed out the word 'affair' but heii folks, this is ME we are talking about. do you think, ever think im such a person or so a lover could ever, ever, ever do such thing? god. help.

anyways it was just an assumption, hers. then i told her i wasn't. god. she was curious on why 'it' happen & honestly i have no idea why. probably i do but it wasn't convincing enough.

she thinks that 'he' has someone else in mind. bad. but i can never change a player, a jerk (incase he was & he is. incase, okay.) because that's what he is made of. & meant for. & live for. & worth for.

there is so much more pressure & stupid little thoughts coming, unstoppable. god. why did i have to stumble with 'his' teacher & make me remember things that i knew i couldn't bear to forget in life? why must it be this way?

god. please. enough. enough is enough. i hope you're listening, god.


Signed with love,
charlie wyy.

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